Buyer beware! At least that’s what it feels like!  There seems to be a whole lot of shaky ground underfoot at this time and I am certainly no exception to this plague of insecurities that seems to be running my show from the inside out. Much is happening with regard to what is real and what has been orchestrated to make some kind of unknown point. This state of affairs has been responsible for some real gut wrenching anxiety and quite frankly, it makes me angry because I don’t make decisions without a lot of thought and then to have it back fire on me like this, or I should say, SEEM to backfire, causes me to loose all faith in myself and my choices I made as to where and how I live. It especially irritates me further by the fact that I believe I followed all the signs and there were several, that this was indeed the right thing for my family, to add another 4 legged member to be best bud’s with my first 4 legged child.

I woke up this morning feeling trapped in a life I wasn’t very happy with and my target to blame ended up being this pet, a cat, that I had adopted just over a month ago. Yes, it doesn’t help that this choice was made during the last retrograde of Mercury and I think anyone reading this will know exactly what I mean by that. I had been seesawing back and forth since, in the weeks prior to this day, but I have not followed through with the impulse to back track on my decision and return her to the humane society.

This was not the first incident that got me all stirred up with regard to this sweet cat. It sure seems like this little being has been brought into my world to assist with some major healing of some very old, deep wounds and when I discover the wound, sit with it, torture myself with it, finally heal it with the gift of understanding as to how it must have felt to have such an inner turmoil from the parent/child perspective, poof, it’s gone and the cat can stay! Oh, I know this sounds nuts but today was yet another such scenario where I believed wholeheartedly that my current distress was because of this poor, innocent cat. I felt she was just too much baggage for me to live the nomad life I seem to be craving when, in reality, it will be a little inconvenient, but she is not the reason. I tend to want to keep running and maybe that is just her job to assist me in staying put and working through those things I would rather not face. Well, bless her sweet heart, she is one big healer for me and I am grateful for her generosity in spirit to have agreed to such an arrangement.

I can’t say I know really what shifted in me, but something has and within literally minutes, she now has a name I actually have chosen instead of just keeping the one she was given at the shelter. She has become a part of my family and while I still feel the effects of such a deep, earth moving readjustment, and feel like I am standing on shaky legs, I feel strong. Perhaps it was all about surrender, I can’t say for sure but I do know that this event was for good reason and I don’t always need to know the answers. Perhaps it is just the week, as several of my friends have had a bit of a rough one as well, but we all hung in there and are better for it in some way!

Oh, and her name is Isabelle.