Once again, I find myself seemingly stuck on the low end of life’s teeter totter, wondering how in the world I will ever get out of this self imposed hell hole I seem to find myself in! Here we go again (or I should say NOT go as that would be more accurate)! Just when I think I have ‘found’ my niche, a project or career that I can sink my teeth into and run into the arms of something deeply fulfilling, wham, I am slapped with the full strength of an internal open hand, saying ‘how could you?!’ I know it is my own truth, once again, very effectively getting my attention that I have chosen something that is not in alignment with who I have become, yet in the face of the new not yet appearing, I grab onto the life jacket of my old life, in hopes of finding some kind of security that I can rely on during these shifting times. The ’how could you’ is in response to making a choice based on intellect, and not what my heart and soul yearn for. And if I am ever at odds with living life, it is in the area of choosing to not listen to that very part of me, my heart and soul, either of which would never steer me wrong.

Somewhere along the path of my life, I made the choice to ignore my inner guidance team, a place within where all truth lies, because I believed that whatever I was dreaming about was impractical and quite impossible, just a dreamers fantasy, nothing else. I have been taking direction from the self defeating voice in my head that continues to remind me that, after all, I am just an ordinary woman, not a great musician, a famous author, or a fabulous artist, I am just me.

And to that now, I want to say enough already! I most certainly must be so much more than my own limited view of myself to be this miserable trying to live a substandard life (aka anything BUT fulfilling life), working at odd jobs just for the money, all along delaying still what I know in my heart is my true calling. It is time I take a stand against what would intellectually seem to be the right direction to choose and instead choose to run in the direction I KNOW would thrill me. I choose the magic, the moments that take my breath away, and in doing so, I surrender my old way of living for one that suits my spirit, using my natural gifts, while showcasing my hopes and my dreams. And that’s when the magic begins. As I let go and release all of it, I feel better, yet I am still not certain of what is to come.